Amidst the ongoing awful, we take wary solace in the modest routs newly inflicted on our wannabe Great Dictator. He lost yugely in multiple courts as judges reopened his bogus IRS suit, froze his slush fund, ripped his name from a D.C. landmark and, in Kenya, told him to take care of his own. Meanwhile, his trashy shitshow of a 250th celebration has devolved into “red-meat-for-the-rubes” blood sport and a dud of a concert after most of the low-rent performers bailed because, “Nobody wants the stink.”
The buffoon who would be king keeps trying and flailing to rise to the authoritarian task in a spiraling presidency in free fall. Seeking to regain control of the narrative, he continues lashing out in increasingly deranged ways: After months of courts blocking his efforts to get state voter lists to steal elections, his Postal Service has proposed a Hail Mary move of only sending mail-in ballots to voters registered with the feds; he’s proposed sweeping changes that would allow his toadies to kill NIH and other grants vaguely not “aligned with” his “priorities”; fighting for the dubious right to go after enemies like sacking James Comey’s daughter from a New York U.S. Attorney’s Office, he’s argued he has the power to fire anyone, even for pure political malice, which the latest court to shut him down called “a novel and breathtaking theory” about presidential power.
To deflect from the stubbornly enduring issue of pedo bestie Epstein, he’s reflexively pivoted to his once-winning scapegoat of immigrants with maybe the most racist and “lamest shit ever”: A website declaiming, “THEY WALK AMONG US” of “millions of illegals who have arrived under the cover of darkness and embedded themselves directly into our society.” Complete with “alien arrest map” and more AI slopaganda – a UFO lifts a man over a wall as YMCA plays WTF – the text hisses that, for years, “Aliens (have) shopped in the same stores, attended the same classes (and) and lived seemingly normal human existences. With one exception — They do not belong here,” all until when one “bold” bigot had “the courage (to) call out the real danger Aliens pose” to every American family and community. Alas, notes Dem. Gov. Ned Lamont, “We are still looking for intelligent life in the White House.”
Other horrors go on. Agriculture Sec. Brooke Rollins – net worth $15 million – boasted thanks to $186 billion in long-term cuts they’ve “lifted” 4 million hungry people off SNAP benefits so they can now achieve “the American Dream”; though cuts were in the name of “fraud,” she admitted they “don’t have actual data” (in reality zilch) got people “kick (ed) down the elevator shaft.” “Testifying” before the House,Pam Bondi threw her deputy under Epstein’s bus, refused to answer questions and argued it was “not appropriate” to acknowledge survivors standing behind her. Bald mini-Nazi Stephen Miller sneered Texas’ James Talarico (cis, straight, meat-eating) was the Dems’ “first transgender Senate candidate.” When Dems retorted, “Shut up you ugly fuck,” Miller’s wife blasted “violent rhetoric.” Chill Talarico: “I’m an 8th generation Texan – I’ve been eating BBQ since before Ken Paxton’s first indictment.”
Sadist Greg Bovino crawled out of his fetid cave to tell Nazis at a “Remigration Summit” in Portugal he is now “in battle” against MAGA cowards who have “lost their will” to deport brown people: “Mullin’s a great plumber…But a hundred million illegal aliens is not a leaky faucet.” Vietnam has had to exhume bodies from ancestral gravesites to make room for a shitty new Trump golf course and hotel supposedly at another site; one 72-year-old is “outraged” the U.S. paid him just $2,660 compensation for the grievous removal of his son and parents. Always classy, Trump also just posted more AI garbage, literally: He throws Colbert into a dumpster and portrays Obama’s presidential library as a giant trash can. And displaying their usual lofty priorities, Minnesota Republicans at their state convention held a moment of silence to honor…George Floyd’s killer Derek Chauvin.
In glad contrast, many judges are holding the line against the darkness and stupidity. The law, and the justice it can bring, inevitably moves more slowly and quietly than the atrocities we’re daily bombarded with. But it is moving, and last week several judges took the ball and damn near ran with it toward MLK’s blessed arc of justice. In perhaps the least substantive but most killingly symbolic move, Judge Christopher Cooper of the U.S. District Court in D.C. ruled the boy-king can’t just slap his name on the Kennedy Center when his fragile ego needs a boost. Rejecting a final, desperate board “argument” the removal of the world’s most despised name would render the Center “financially nonviable” (add many LOLs here), Cooper found “no competent evidence” and ruled the Center’s statute “makes crystal clear” no name can be added to it without Congress’ approval.
In his decision, a response to a lawsuit brought by much-abused Dem ex-officio Board member Rep. Joyce Beatty after Trump brazenly hijacked the Board and chairmanship in 2025 – prompting pretty much any sensible performers to abandon it – Cooper ruled the foul Trump stain must come off everything – building facade, website, materials – within two weeks. An unexpected cherry on top: Cooper also found the Board was “derelict in discharging (its) responsibilities to the Center” when it voted to close it for two years of Trump’s suddenly announced “renovations,” and no they can’t exclude Dem members, like Beatty from decisions, because democracy. Kennedy niece Maria Shriver offered a “Translation: “Due to the name change…no one wants to perform there any longer, so it’s best to close it and build a new one so everybody will stop talking about that.”
Ever gracious, the world’s worst loser responded with a fuming, whining, 700-word tantrum. “There has never been a (boy-king) treated so unfairly by the Courts as I,” he wailed. “Unless I am free to do what I do better than anyone else, and bring this failing Institution” – rust, rot, rats oh my! – back,” he has “no interest” and will transfer said empty shell back to Congress. He also attacked both “Trump-Hating Barack Hussein Obama Judge Cooper” and his wife, a former Dem federal prosecutor, who “probably told him to do so!” Cooper “has a total Conflict of Interest,” he raved, “and should be brought up on charges for not revealing these facts.” God, still a prince among men. Former Rep. Joe Kennedy III: JFK “would remind us it is not buildings that define the greatness of a nation. It is the actions of its people and its leaders…and our commitment to the rights of all.”
Now judges are also coming down hard on his “felon-to-felon” slush fund. A federal judge in Virginia just froze its scuzzy $1.8 billion until a June hearing; Judge Leonie M. Brinkema barred any action “pursuant to (its) creation or operation” because “taxpayer dollars should not reward blind, and sometimes violent, loyalty to a single politician.” Her ruling came as Democracy Forward filed another legal challenge charging “blatant abuse of power.” Too bad, so sad: Now MAGA cronies, including dozens of convicted Jan. 6 thugs since charged or convicted for serious new crimes – child sex abuse, rape, burglary, home invasion, death threats against officials, fatal DUI crashes – may have to wait for their payouts. Even then, state Dem lawmakers – New York and New Jersey Assembly members, Gavin Newsom et al – plan to slap 100% taxes on them, with the House and Senate to wisely follow suit.
Digging even deeper in the Southern District of Florida, Judge Kathleen Williams just re-opened Trump’s bullshit $10 billion lawsuit against himself – his DOJ vs IRS – after three dozen bipartisan retired judges filed a motion against his “fraud on the Court.” Friday, Williams ordered Trump to respond to charges his suit, from which he laundered his billion-dollar-plus payout and lifetime audit immunity, was “premised on deception” to “avoid judicial scrutiny of a lawsuit collusive from the start.” Even Kenyan courts are rejecting his outrageous schemes. After gutting international aid and facing an Ebola outbreak in DRC that’s killed hundreds, Trump moved to simply bar immigrants or Americans who might have it and send them to…Kenya? As they scrambled to replicate in days care the US built over decades, the day the clinic was set to open a Kenyan court blocked a plan that, like all his others, “raises grave constitutional concerns.”
Other woes, born of his boundless incompetence, beset him: At a DOJ rapidly spiraling down, the lead prosecutor for the absurd James Comey Seditious Seashell case just withdrew; experts agree it’ll never make it to court. His grifty, flaking, no-bid paint job on Lincoln’s Reflecting Pool – from sober grey to tacky motel pool blue – has soared from $1.8 to $13.1 million skimmed from National Park entrance fees and is getting trashed. Five countries from his Board of Peace (sic), which promised 20,000 troops to help “ease Gaza’s transition to a peaceful Jared Kushner theme park,” has delivered no troops, no money, nada. His beloved gazillion-dollar ballroom remains a rubble-strewn hole in the ground amidst “a busted-ass trash palace” after another judge ruled “no statute comes close” to giving him the authority to build it. And Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin rocket exploded on its Florida launchpad; NYT Pitchbot warns of new layoffs at The Washington Post.
Finally, whaaa, nobody wants to come to his birthday party and “testament to his vision to celebrate America’s monumental 250th anniversary” with the lamest, trashiest, most corrupt and barbarous show on earth, even though after heedlessly turning the White House environs into a hoarders’ trailer park he then plastered the city with banners proclaiming, “We are making D.C. safe and beautiful” Maybe the whole, crude debacle, “our latest national concussion,” stems from the fact – just hear us out – a Malignant-Narcissist-In-Chief has made America’s anniversary “about one hideous thing – himself.” Starting with the grotesque call to mark the date by “watching men beat each other senseless in a cage on the same grounds where Lincoln walked.” It’s gladiatorial bread and circus – food and fun to dispel questions about empire – but “he’s keeping the circus and taking away the bread.”
His UFC match, with day-trading on the side, will feature combatants pummeling each other often to bloody pulp in a “sport” so violent John McCain called it “human cockfighting”; many states banned it at its inception, though its almost non-existent rules now prohibit gouging out opponents’ eyes. It’s an unsettling but unsurprising choice from a long “violence-curious” (except in Vietnam) bully who weirdly wears more makeup and hairspray than your average drag queen while urging supporters to beat up protesters, joking about extrajudicial killings, and injecting inane bing-bong noises into descriptions of missile strikes. Decades ago, he tried to create a mixed-martial-arts brand with a brutal fighter named Fedor the Russian: “His thing is inflicting death on people.” It became Affliction Entertainment – really – but crashed after two fights, because everything he touches, even that, dies.
As a ghastly arena rises on the White House lawn, Trump is clearly hyped by the approaching blood-fest: “I have never seen anybody want anything so much as people want those tickets.” So is his wife-slapping accomplice and $3-million donor UFC CEO Dana White, who admits, “It’s really big for the brand.” About 4,000 supporters will watch in person, with Trump as usual likely close enough ringside to be splattered by blood and sweat. Another 85,000 can watch on giant screens from the Ellipse, home to the Jan. 6 “rally.” The Pentagon is reportedly recruiting hundreds of troops to attend in uniform, but no fatties please; they must meet height and weight requirements to “look good on camera.” They also have to pay for their own travel. In another classy move, sharp-eyed observers note that renderings of the event show an American flag with just 48 stars.
At last count the other big event, a Freedom 250 concert kicking off a 16-day “Great American State Fair,” will feature just two stars – or more accurately two bargain-bin, has-been-or-never-were performers, the only survivors of nine originally announced of which seven quickly dropped out. (Oof. Was it something/everything he said?) They were Young MC, Flo Rida, Bret Michaels, Morris Day & The Time, The Commodores, Vanilla Ice, “real” Milli Vanilli Fab Morvan, Martina McBride and Freedom Williams of C+C Music Factory. Full Disclosure: We haven’t heard of any of them. Michaels evidently won Celebrity Apprentice in 2010, McBride’s a four-time CMA Award winner who’s sold 23 million albums and performed for multiple presidents, Morvan’s the surviving member of a pretty pair of guys brought low by a lip-syncing scandal. Honestly, we dunno who the others are.
Within 48 hours of them being announced, most had cancelled. They cited “misleading information,” “divisive” or partisan politics, miscommunication; a couple said they’d never been contacted in the first place. Reportedly remaining are Flo Rida, Fab Morvan and possibly Freedom Williams, or, per Dean Blundell, “one nostalgia rapper, one lip-syncer with intellectual-property issues, and a guy ranting from a toilet” – that would be Williams, who filmed a seven-minute rant about “niggers,” “motherfuckers,” and how he doesn’t give a fuck about Trump or the rest of us but after the Internet told him to bail he thought he’d fuck them all and play. Despite a broad consensus that watching the entire show as planned would be akin to “staring into a septic tank for hours,” MAGA was pissed at the drop-outs, especially McBride, the headliner, railing she’d even performed for “the Obama regime.”
Trump was gracious about the changes. Just kidding. In “prime wallow,” he railed against “these highly paid, Third Rate ‘Artists’…getting the yips,” and said he’s thinking instead about “bringing the Number One Attraction anywhere in the World, the man who gets much larger audiences than Elvis in his prime, and he does so without a guitar…the man who some say is the Greatest President in History” to give a speech at a “wild MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN RALLY” with “Only Great Patriots invited.” While even supporters griped another speech instead of a concert would be “lame and boring,” nobody knows what latest chaos will befall the event. What many of us do know is that all the detritus of this shameful historic moment – the names, arches, gimcracks, breaches, endless cruelties of a tyrant’s resolve to “impose himself on the world” must go. With a nod to Walter White, we look to Ozymandias, a poem “to outlast empires,” for hope and guidance.
Ozymandias by Percy Bysshe Shelley
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
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