There are a number of ways to have discreet sex — mostly because there are a number of reasons you’d want to have discreet sex. The first way: Keep things quiet. Maybe you’re in a house full of people, traveling or staying in a new place, or maybe the walls between you and your neighbor are just seriously thin. No matter the cause, your aim is to keep the noise to a minimum.
The second way to go about having discreet sex: Keep things subtle. This is usually only the goal when you’re having sex somewhere you (maybe) shouldn’t be or when you’re trying to avoid kids storming your bedroom at an inopportune time. But regardless of what’s going on, you’ll want to keep things from looking (or sounding) like you’re having sex.
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Many people have a singular idea “great sex” as a particularly raucous, aggressive, and perhaps adventurous kind of sex. And yes, wilder sex positions and strategies can be a great adrenaline rush —but this understanding of what makes sex great is reductive. Because the truth is, discreet sex positions can be just as thrilling as some of their more obviously dramatic counterparts. In fact, the challenge of keeping the act a little bit quiet, a little subtle, and a little bit under-wraps can render it more exhilarating than it otherwise might be. Quiet, close sex can be intimate and special as it is discreet!
And sometimes, the reason you’re feeling like a more discreet sex position has nothing to do with where you are or who’s around. Sometimes, you want to keep things low-key! Maybe you just don’t feel like putting on a big show, or making a ton of noise, or—honestly—trying very hard. We’ve all been there, and it’s totally fine. Sex doesn’t have to be super active to be fulfilling. And these discreet sex positions (all quiet-toy friendly) are a great way to get yours without doing anything over-the-top.
So consider this an open invitation to embrace the inherent (and all too underrated) excitement of discreet sex. Challenge yourself to keep things quieter, subtler, more low-key — and see what you find. Maybe you’ll stumble upon a new favorite position — or a new favorite way of having sex altogether.
The Fairy
The Fairy is quiet, low-key, and subtle all at once. Have the penetrating partner sit down on a chair, the couch, or the edge of your bed. Their back should be straight up, and their legs should be grazing the ground. Then, the receiving partner will sit on their lap, back to chest. The receiving partner should place their hands on their partner’s legs for stability, and slide up and down — or invite the penetrating partner to rock them forward and backward. Either way, you’ll end up with a position that’s as subtle as it is stimulating.
The Lazy Evening
The Lazy Evening is like spooning sex, but even lazier (yesss). Assume the classic spoon snuggling position, and then drape let both partners drape their legs wherever feels best. From there, you can both prop yourselves up on your elbows (but only if you feel like it!) and explore some from-behind penetration. The Lazy Evening is particularly fit for discreet, low-key nights spent on the couch, when even walking to the bedroom feels like too much work but you still want to feel that pleasurable intimacy.
The Louise
To try the Louise, invite the penetrating partner to kneel so far down that their butt grazes their feet. Then, have the receiving partner face them and kneel down with their legs straddling either side of their partner’s body. From there, you can pull each other close, shower each other with kisses, and grind as slowly, gently, and quietly as you want.
The Shining
The Shining is really just 69 turned sideways, a twist that makes the position even less effortful for everyone involved. The Shining can get as quiet, low-key, and physically subtle as you want it to be, making it a shoo-in for your discreet sex position rotation.
The Ice Cream
Ice Cream, anyone? For this sweet position, the penetrating partner will sit on their knees — on the floor, your bed, or some other location of your choosing. The receiving partner will stand over them, facing away from them, with their feet straddling either side of their knees, and then squat down until they’re sitting in their lap. (There are, of course, other ways of assuming this position. This one just paints the clearest picture of what you should look like at the end of it.)
The receiving partner can stabilize themselves by keeping their feet on the ground and placing their hands on their partner’s legs for extra support. From there, the receiving partner can slide up and down or grind forward and backward as gently and quietly as they like.
The Lizard
The Lizard is little more than classic missionary, flipped upside down to put the receiving partner on top. The penetrating partner lies down so the receiving partner can straddle them, leaning all the way forward so lips touch lips and legs graze legs. Lying down like this will force you both to focus on gliding and grinding, thus minimizing the noise you can make. Whereas cowgirl and missionary can get surprisingly loud (as far as your bedsprings and headboard are concerned), the Lizard is a decidedly discreet and quiet option.
The Lotus
The penetrating partner sits down with their legs crossed (like the Lotus yoga pose this position is named after). Then, the receiving partner sits inside their lap, facing them, and lifts their legs until their knees are draped over the penetrating partner’s shoulders. From there, the penetrating partner can grab their legs to help stabilize, and receiving partner can wrap their hands around their head or neck to pull them close. Work to find an angle that feels great for both of you, and experiment with classic in-and-out penetration that’s contained enough to feel quiet, subtle and discreet (not to mention, incredibly intimate).
The Thirst
Whether you’re lying on your bed or snuggling on a beach somewhere, the Thirst offers a great way to turn up the heat without drawing a ton of attention to what you’re doing. Simply lie on your side, facing your partner, and invite your partner to do the same. From there, you can wrap your arms around each other, intertwine your legs and stay as clothed (or get as unclothed) as you like.
The Tamer
Both partners lie on their sides, with the penetrating partner perpendicular to the receiving partner. The penetrating partner should slide their mid-section between the receiving partner’s thighs so that the two of you can make eye contact. From there, you can go for penetration or just engage in some serious foreplay. The Tamer will keep your movement from getting too aggressive, while still allowing you to experiment with a new position. Because really, when was the last time you had sex intertwined like a plus sign?
A version of this story was published February 2020.
Looking for even more sex positions to try out? Check out our top 69 (nice) positions on our sexy bucket list below:
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