artwork via The Asylum
When you hear the phrase “Sharkcano Eruption,” you might think, “a scientific wonder that reaffirms the mysterious grandeur of the natural world.” But since none of us are that smart, we all thought the same thing: “A Z-grade SyFy Original Movie starring Tara Reid, with probable cameos from Stacey Dash and The Howard Stern Show’s Benji Bronk.”
In reality, the “sharkcano” is a nickname given by NASA to the Kavachi Volcano, an active underwater volcano in the Solomon Islands off the coast of Papua New Guinea. According to a study published in Oceanography, the journal of the American Oceanographic Society, the volcano is home to two species of sharks, including hammerheads, which have evolved to live in a volcanic environment. In addition, it’s home to a microbial species that lives off of sulfur.
And now according to CNN, satellite images show that this sharkcano has erupted. So far, scientists have not reported resulting fire tornadoes filled with chainsaw-wielding sharks. But if there’s one thing the Syfy Network’s continuing series of scientifically-accurate Sharknado films has taught us, it’s that these things can strike when you least expect it. Luckily, Ian Ziering is available – in fact, according to his IMDB profile, he is extremely available – should the U.S. government deem the sharkcano eruption a threat to all life on Earth, as well as across the space-time continuum.
Those boring nerds at NASA say the Sharkcano is more likely to produce “lavas that range from basaltic, which is rich in magnesium and iron, to andesitic, which contains more silica,” than opportunities for cameos from the likes of thespian greats Bo Derek, David Hasselhoff, or Mark Cuban, who gets to stretch playing the President of the United States, rather than Owner of a Fourth-Place Basketball Team.
Scientists predict it the volcano, which has been continually active for decades, will be as likely to continue to erupt as Sharknado production company The Asylum will produce and release an actual Sharkcano: Eruption movie within the next three months.